How much I've missed them...
by Estha Simon

(1,809 words)
From the chunky biplane to the modern Concorde, man dominating sky as the most convenient effort of world travelling. Howling pass the acres of paddy field, I knew somehow I was closer to a stranger home.

The flight attendant blared out an announcement, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your flight attendant speaking, we are about to land in Subang International Airport, please have your seatbelt put on, if you do encounter any problem please approach our flight crew. Thank You." The ding lowered tone by tone.

I glared out at the window, seeing a past I haven't seen for years, the resurrection was near, thrusting myself on the softness of the sofa, I felt uncomfortable. " Excuse me sir." A lady vision began to focus in front of me. A young flight stewardess was on my call, she took over from my hands, sliding her delicate fingers behind my back, I giggled a little on her ticklish rub. The belt clicked onto me, locking up my freedom of stretching, the last few minutes seemed a gloom as I will be heading back to Malaysia.

" So, your first time over to Malaysia?" her inattentive small talk eventually started an argument.

"Yeah, it seems so strange," I replied her question, easily scanning through her 34-24-26 figure of heaven maidens. " Well, don't blame me telling you this," she let herself closer to me, lowering her lips towards my ear, " I heard that Malaysians are real cheapskate, they are as dirty as street rat and as cheap as the beggars, even a beggar from Singapore wouldn't steal Versace and yet 'high' class family over there would."

" How sure are you? I bet you are a Singaporean, right?"

" How do you know, I never told you." Her expression showed surprise.

" Hey, you showed me. Singaporeans are like that, cheap in conversation, losers. My mom told me that." I smirked into her heart " Well, I don't see any different character of a Singaporean from my mother's prescription."

" You crazy, ah?" her exclamation of my insult was unacceptable. Shrieked, all eyes were focusing on our debatable topic of the two nations which were really nothing to me, but if that went on, it would definitely cost her precious airhostess career. I finally decided to stop avoiding further circumstances. Plugging my ears with my index fingers, her face blew with molten lava on her dim simple stewarding costume or uniform.

I saw her fist clutching up tight and ready to swung the next person bumping into business. So unlucky of her, the cabin master was informed of the incident and came over to sought things out. With a sudden tapped on her shoulders, she swayed around with a snarled followed by a big uppercut for the cabin master. He was hit right on the chin, falling behind a few steps before landing hard on the rough carpets of the plane.

You should see how steamy he looks like, not the passionate look but the red hot rod for causing he entire life humiliation and a psychological effect on dealing with fights on airlines, forever. Of course, the stewardess was sent to detention and remain in the stewardess cabin for the rest of the flight. I guess she must be sadder than happier, look at the bright side, she doesn't need to served anymore on air and get to enjoy her flight in the cabin.

Haha, it seemed better thinking on positively optimism ideas on how the stewardess would spend her rest of the journey, better than thinking of the reality consequences and the suffering for not able to be a stewardess forever. Miss, you have been suspended, eternally. Hahaha… hahaha… hahaha…

So I was really in smile for a few minutes, before remembering I was supposed to go to Malaysia. Sulked in the pale look again, I stared out the craft with the floating spreads of soft cotton candy I wished everyday on bouncing up and down on it. Outside, seemed so vulnerable, yet the newly painted letters were reflecting the shines of the sun majestically Singapore Airlines. I was in a loser's plane.

Of all the noise around me, I felt like a silent dawdle. Nothing to do but to wait for landing. Flipped through the National Geographics, surfed every channel available and pass every song on the broadcast. Only to find my life a dead one, for this trip guarantees no return to the place I wanted to be at, this Airline might be a one way ticket.

Longed forgotten are the dreams of visiting my parents, not Aunt Dali I grew up with and not Uncle Chow which taught me Chinese Calligraphy with a commitment statement to recite before each lesson Prolong further the Chinese entity, carried down the Chinese heritage, is to live as one live of a filial Chinese to the race. Those words ran deeply in me, slept with me, bathe with me, played with me, even more stronger than the Declaration of Independence, which I think what Uncle Chow wants. In my days, I was trained eating with chopsticks, learning Mandarin on evening classes in the Chinese Cultural Center. I grew up a Chinese as can be, but maybe a less ripe skin with a flesh inside yellower.

Hey, an exclamation! I realized I didn't really want to meet my parents, my biological parents who made love and created me. In all the years, 14 exactly they were only mere voices of annual conscience guide to my life. Without fail, they phoned me every new year and sent an angpow to my, a prosperity packet with money inside. They will asked about my education, asked about my life and asked is it too cold for me. Every Chinese New Year, their voice will ring through the late night of the States and greetings. They were good people to me, I only see them in photos, they are hardly visible in my life and I don't missed them at all. When they asked me to come back home, to visit them. I was anxious, I was excited to meet my parents, brothers, sisters that were so unrecognizable.

Of all the urges and the excitement, I suddenly felt an emptiness. Speechless of how wounded I would be, I am just 18 and a kid. So how much can I pay to get off this ride? $5? $100? $1,000? I'll never guessed, probably my life if I considered of pulling the gauged of the emergency vault door. So much for the suicide plan. I'll be doomed paying of the destruction before I hit the ground… so much of a silence…

The lights were suddenly out, seeing nothing. I waited with a bitterness. Slowly but an eccentric dim flashed out with a scene of the past. I was there standing with someone so young, so familiar yet hidden so deeply from my consciousness. How pretty her face lifted towards the setting sun. Her eyes gleamed melancholy, her heart was beating with the rhythm of the wind, the scene was in a mild orange so far. Everyone was down to silence, it was a shock only seeing my Aunt Dali happily chatters and everybody lowering their head listening attentively. Times by times, gust of heavenly blow of wind came by and gone, like the sands of time filling the lower portion of the hour-glass.

Then, I remembered, mother. Oh, look at her youthfulness… her tiring looked upon the lit face of Aunt Dali, her hands were sore with bumps and lumps, into the wind. Carrying a rattan woven luggage, her fingers kept running through her eyes, saw her sadness. It was then the sudden that we must leave, each other. I was not very sure why or what or never how mom would ever let me pass, I saw their shadows faded into the darkest corner seeing less and less, only my mother running towards me, her hands stretched out for me, her tears waded the entire scene as I groggily forgotten in the mildest doze off.

" Hoi, mister!" a rude voiced sounding on me. I opened my eyes seeing again the blurish figure staring at me, it was her the stewardess and she meant something I guess. " Everyone already left the airplane, and you? Still sitting here day dreaming about what? Going to a prostitute stall ah? Please lar, people see you also fainted lar, look at you so dull looking, for heaven's sake, if you don't dress better people though you are from the dead…hahaha!"

I shook myself awake, despite letting her over me. I was another fighter in spirit that never want to lose. " Is that so? You mad already ah? Suddenly laugh at yourself. Can't blamed you loss your job over me. Well, if it is okay, I can buy you dinner… the least I can do… hahahaha!" I mocked even louder than her.

Her piping hot face erupted into a volcano again, with her steamy gas rushing through her veins, I saw more of an engine in her. But not as I expected, her suddenly let a cool off, " Okay, you will buy me dinner, the biggest dinner in my entire life in the most expensive restaurant."

I gulped remembering my limited amount of cash. Grabbing an excuse, I quickly forwarded saying my relatives are waiting for me. As I was about to stepped off the plane, she hurled me from behind and I tripped over the split level of the passenger connection airways. Throwing everything onto the floor, she thrust herself over to help.

" Such a pity, sorry." Her eyelid flashed in vain. " Well, find the time we can go out, okay? I would be glad if you call me." She slid her contact card into my shirt pocket, then disappeared into the flight cabin.

I understood, she like me. With an innocent smile to flashed even though her long absences, I took great care of my smile as if there were cameras spying on me. What a joke.

The custom was fully queued up, without shorter or advantage of taking over lines. Leaving no choice but to stay on the back line, humming tunes of no songs, songs of my self, songs of David Li! The line stepped forward, I too. Slowly, but promised a move at least. Actually I wasn't very keen to get back too, with array of relatives with the pathetic smile and long stretch of unrelated years, I wasn't really keen or looking forward.

But far, away, a smiling wave at me with a shout, shout of joy as the merely visible retold my family in the past, and how much Mom have changed and how much they longed for my return and how much I missed them.

~END~